So I obviously am not super into this site… I haven’t been on it much since I quit working RSR, which is the reason I made it in the first place (because that job sucked bawlz and I needed to occupy my attention somehow). However, it is finding its use for me once again because I really need to RANT real quick. This rant is not appropriate for Facebook, short enough for Twitter, or interesting enough to tell my friends, so thanks for being here Tumblr as my last resort. (btw, are the T’s in twitter and tumblr supposed to be capitalized? Does anyone care? No? k.)
Brian made a twitter. Well, apparently he did back in June (2 days before my birthday, I might add), but I just discovered it today. If you didn’t know, I love twitter. What this website is for emo kids who love photography or whatever, twitter is for me. While we were dating, I would occasionally ask Brian to make an account. Not because I cared too much in particular, but it makes it easier to talk about someone in a post and not sound like you’re pretentiously name-dropping when you can tag them. (I got my friend Katie to make one a couple weeks ago solely for this purpose. I asked her once, jokingly, and she was like “Yeah okay!” She hasn’t tweeted once. She is following one person and has one follower. Gloria Estefan. just kidding lame joke sorry it’s 5:30 am). Anyway, I wanted to be able to @reply him, plus I knew for a fact he looked at my twitter regularly, so why not just cut the shit and follow each other. He was like “nahhhhhhhh” every time, and once said, “once you have as many followers as the number of people you’re following, I will make a twitter.” I think that’s a more logical statement for tumblr but on twitter it’s fucking nuts because literally 2/3 of the accounts I follow are celebrities or magazines. Sure I mean technically I could’ve been a dick and unfollowed 200 people for a day to make him get a twitter, but I really didn’t care that much.
Anyway, so I see this kid has a twitter now. He’s following 6 people: his brother, his best friend, his dad’s company, Daniel Tosh (who I also follow), the dos equis guy, and his HOOCHIE MOMMA (who anyone reading this probably knows by name, but I will refer to by the name “Norma” for privacy reasons… because I think Norma is a heinous name and it matches this bitch’s personality).
Norma is Brian’s ex girlfriend that he dated for a little over a year between 10-11th grade. I almost never use this word because I think it’s so harsh, but I can honestly say this girl is the definition of a cunt. Even before Brian and I started dating, Norma and I never liked each other. We think just rubbed each other the wrong way or something from the beginning and it escalated idk, but ever since the beginning of my junior year of high school, she was the ONE person at WHS I wanted to put on a rocket ship to the moon and have her vanish from my life completely. Then I started dating Brian and she was beyond horrible to me for no reason… but I won’t get into that, it’s irrelevant.
After Brian and I broke up this past spring/summer, he started hooking up with Norma again. It upset me of course (beyond belief, if you must know), but I understood that he was brokenhearted and bored: a deathly combination. (I mean I was too, and I didn’t sleep with any skanks, but it goes without saying who the better person is, soooo whatever.) Norma was convenient for Brian because she was local, they had a history, and she will screw just about anybody (said bitterly yes, but still true). I assumed their “thing” (“fling” is too much) would end when we went back to college this fall, but it didn’t. Brian still tries to talk to Norma on the REG. Over Thanksgiving break, he even tried to take her on a date (she said yes then blew him off… lol). idk if Brian thinks he’s fallen back in love with Norma, or just realized how truly ugly all the girls at his tech university are that he’s relying on her for any sort of non-desperate attention, but either way it’s clear that Norma doesn’t give a shit about him. I know for fact that she talks to him about other guys she hooks up with and he just takes it like a puss. (I have loyal friends.) I don’t understand why he’s doing this to himself. But, his choice, whatever.
So I see that his first tweet (there are only 34, so it wasn’t hard to creep) was on June 22, two days before my birthday. It is beyond clear to me that Norma was probs like “oh haiii I luv twatting” and Brian was like “OH COOL I’ve been meaning to make an account” and that’s that. Whatevs. Brian’s SECOND tweet is what’s interesting: “It still surprises me that even when you don’t care about a person you can still be disgusted by them via web)” This is 3 days after my birthday, but only 1 day after my birthday party ended. For my birthday, I went camping with friends for the weekend. Although Brian and I were on speaking terms at that moment, I had told him gently about a week before, that for pride’s sake, I couldn’t have him there. He understood. Friday night of the camping excursion, my actual birthday, one of my guy friends from college came through. He stayed with me that night. Everyone else that weekend either knew or assumed something had happened, but besides my best girlfriends, it wasn’t their business so I didn’t share. Either way, at the end of the weekend I told a couple of my guy friends from home that were there to keep it hushed from Brian. I didn’t talk about Friday night in particular, but really the entire weekend. I said I didn’t feel comfortable with him knowing my business through other people’s mouths, and they said they understood and it was fine. Well, cool to find out 6 months later that someone blabbed, because I don’t know what else B’s tweet would be talking about. I’m not mad at whatever friend just because it’s been so long and either way doesn’t matter, but I’m wicked annoyed at what Brian wrote. First of all, cool you don’t care about me? Like I said, we had been on decent terms (our definition of “decent terms” this past summer: the occasional heart-to-heart and make out sesh). Even when I’ve despised him the most, I still cared about him. I care about him now, a lot. I will for the rest of my life. You don’t care about me? Well fuck you. Second of all, you’re disgusted by me? Because there’s a chance I may have gotten some on my BIRTHDAY? While you’re off screwing bag o’ herpes Norma and waving it in my face? Okay, that’s cool.
Fast forward to more recent posts, this one is 4th from the top. It says: “Never in my life have I been surrounded by so many people and felt so alone. ( via web)” My two reactions to this (as is normal, being human): a) HA!, b) heartbreak. I still want him to be happy with all my heart, but mostly I was touched because I noticed the date. October 30th = Halloween weekend. Halloween was always Brian & my’s favorite holiday together. We celebrated it senior year, before we started dating. Freshman year he came to my school for Halloween and we both dressed up in matching sailor costumes (SUPER GAY LAST MINUTE IDEA SHHH). Sophomore year I went to his school and we wore matching Greek god/goddess costumes. We already had plans for this year to have been Aladdin & Jasmine, a literal dream of mine/ours. (Aladdin is one of our fav Disney movies, I’m obsessed with Princess Jasmine, when we vacationed to Disney World in 2010 he waited with me in line for half an hour with a bunch of 7 year olds so I could get a picture with her, etc etc). We had made sure we were together for Halloween while we were together, even if it meant missing out on important things (he missed half of hell week freshman year for pledging his frat… actually a blessing, but he got scolded big time. I skipped a lot of classes). This year was going to be really special… and then we broke up. I went costume shopping with two of my girlfriends the week before Halloween and saw a Jasmine costume in the store. I stared at it for like five minutes. They told me to get it, I said I couldn’t. I think that weekend was the most I’ve missed Brian all semester, even though I was still kind of with Steve. I don’t know if that tweet was about me, and I suppose it doesn’t matter. Either way it’s proof that what he proclaimed during the summer would be his “GLORY YEAR” (finally being single, etc) isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I still miss Brian. Even though I was kind of seeing this kid Aran who’s practically in love with me (it’s nice, he’s nice) back in NY, I was hoping to see Brian at least once over break, get to hang out a little. (We saw each other for a little over Thanksgiving and it was fine enough.) However, unfortunately, that is not going to happen. A few days ago, I went out in Hartford with a couple of my girlfriends. We went to this one club in particular because one of our friends was going to be there and we wanted to see him. He is also friends with some of my guy friends, and had invited them to the club as well. Those guys had invited Brian. I knew this beforehand, and I didn’t care. I had just found out that afternoon I had gotten a B- in my hardest class, and after having a celebratory brew with my father (his idea), I decided that I needed to go out and rejoice. Besides, one of my girlfriends was only home for a long weekend, then she’s going back to her place in upstate NY. I wanted to see her. So, I didn’t care if Brian was going. I was actually amused by the idea. Let’s see what would happen- I figured he’d either try and douche it up in front of me by getting with the first girl who let him touch her, or I would end up with him at the end of the night. Neither ending pleasant, but I’d be drunk so ehh. Get to the club, Brian isn’t there. Guys say he bailed last minute. I say honestly that I didn’t care, and go on to have a ballin ass night. Hours later, one of my guy friends is trying to flirt with me (lol). He admits that Brian didn’t come because of me. Apparently, once he found out I was going to be there, he didn’t want to go. I thought that was absolutely ludicrous. On the way home I ended up drunk texting him (baaad idea) saying something along the lines of “sucks you let me dictate your life for no reason.” Stupid move, I know. It’s whatever. He’s like “sucks you purposely fuck with me, you really are an ugly person inside, kinda mad took me so long to notice.” um, wtf? I can honestly say my decision to go out was not Brian based in the slightest. I just wanted to have a fun time with my friends- I found out he was supposedly going to be there after the plans had already been made. Was I supposed to stay home because of him? No, I’m not going to let him ruin my night… although I guess the feeling wasn’t mutual. Anyway, I called him out for being so rude and he was like, “not rude, just honest. You know the lies you tell everyday, I hope one day you can at least learn to be honest with yourself. I hope you asked for some integrity for Christmas.” Again, WTF?!?! I’m sober days later and I still don’t know what he’s talking about. Ass. Of course I hate myself and would still like to see him this break in my fantasyland, but clearly that’s not happening because fantasyland is in my head and in the real world I’m not lame enough to act without an apology. Annnnd I’m pretty certain an apology isn’t coming until at least summertime, if ever. Likely not ever. So for the moment, we’re done because I force myself to accept more respect than that. He’s become super douchey, anyway. Like, I guess he’s always been a little douchey, but since the summer he’s a flat out TOOL (note the pic, my brilliant artwork lol… that picture is over two years old beginning of freshman year goodness me). All of our mutual friends have said it. He’s changed his personality so much trying to start over, and it’s not working for him so much. Oh well.
I’m still pissed he has a twitter for Norma. Between that, and the fact that he like does drugs now, I’m completely bamboozled. Kid vehemently refused to smoke weed until the very end of our 2.5 years, and now he’s doing all this crazy shit even I haven’t thought about touching. Interesting how things change. whatever. I’ve been writing this post for over an hour (sucks it’s so lame, right? props if you read this… probably Paige and that’s it, cause she tells me all the time she stalks my life. love you Paige) it’s time to stop. end rant.
